Let’s get you to a whole new level of clarity today.
Consider an alternating conversation you may have had with yourself regarding something you “want”. It might go as follows:
Self-conversation #1: “Oh, I really shouldn’t.”
Net Result #1: “I didn’t get it because I didn’t allow myself to even ask.”
Self-conversation #2: “I really need that, and I’m going to get it no matter what.”
Net Result #2: “For all my striving, I still don’t have what I really want.”
Which of these self-conversations is more true for you? Or in what situations do you find yourself having one conversation verses the other?
(This is worth shutting your laptop or phone to consider, BTW.)
Things get even more laden when we add other people to the mix. We might remember (or can’t dislodge from the recesses of our brains) repeated responses from outside ourselves, like “no” or “not now” or “why you” or “that costs too much” or “he/she’s not interested” or “what a crazy idea”. And on and on, and I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.
We ALL can.
(Hmmm. Take a breath. Blink five times.)
Here’s another question entirely…
Ask yourself: “What is my North Star?”
(That wasn’t rhetorical! Ask it.)
Put another way, do you know what you really, really desire?
Many – dare I say, most – do not! Here’s why…
We really don’t know what we want because we’ve been told “no” so many times that we stop asking for what we want. And when we stop “asking”, we shut down our “desire” before it gets to the “want” stage because it doesn’t “feel good” to be told “no, No, NO”. And anyhow, what’s the point in asking when we know the answer is going to be, “no”.
(Side note: let’s not take a swipe at our parents or teachers or partners here. Let’s just acknowledge where we’re at and consider things from the here and now for ourselves. That’s what we’ve got to work with.)
Here’s a hugely important connection (Key Point Alert!) and the launching point for a new reality in your life: when we shut down our “desire”, the next step is to shut down our “knowing”. This brings us to the state of “not knowing” what we want. Aha!
Not knowing… now there’s a different angle on wants and desires.
Have you been trained that it is wrong or bad to ask for what you desire? And has that shut down your interest in even knowing?
(Was that the sound of a nerve ending we just touched?)
Once we KNOW, we have to ASK. Or maybe, once we start asking, we’ll start knowing.
Some are chasing after thing after thing after thing because they don’t know what they actually want, or what would fulfill them. They’re off track with their true desires. No wonder they never fulfil them!
But! (Cue the give-yourself-a-big-flippin-break interlude music.)
What if all this were completely OK?
What if it were OK to NOT know what you want, but simply… to WANT to know. Well that’s just beautiful, ain’t it.
Are you willing to WANT to know? Not everyone is.
Are you WILLING to ‘have it all’? (Yikes! Did Betty Mae just ask me if I was willing to have it all!? Yup, that’s why this is so very difficult for so many people.)
Once you actually KNOW what to ask for, are you WILLING to ASK for it? (Hint-hint: willingness is a window to the desires of our heart.)
KNOW. ASK. WILLINGNESS.
Ask. Know. Willingness.
Willingness. Ask. Know.
And so on… are you getting this?
Here’s where the next chapter of your life begins in earnest. If you’ll dare to be willing… If you’ll dare ask… If you’ll dare knowing… untold amazing things can happen for you, things that align with your innermost needs and wants. Start with these questions, and you’ve started the process. I just love it when my clients and retreat participants ask these kinds of questions. It’s like fireworks (the good ones, like at Disneyland).
So…. what will you dare ask for? And is what you are asking for congruent with what you actually desire? (The important stuff, not the drivel that advertising or the Joneses feed you with.)
It’s starts, quite simply, with an honest and vulnerable request.
Are you willing?
– Betty Mae